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Entry one

I genuinely find my face hideous, like i cannot look in mirrors anymore, but i feel obsessed with looking in them at the same time, to make sure my face isnt deforming, the desperate need to know how im percived and how i look, i dont even know how i look anymore. its all just a blur, i used to see myself as adam lanza and now i have no real sense of identity as it is, i disgust myself. and i feel bad for everyone having to be associated with someone so genuinely foul looking, it must be embarrasing for them kek. Tbh i feel like i shuld just ghost them all, it would be easier for us all if i was dead, idefk one person irl who likes me, i have extreme paranoia around my friends hating me and just keeping me arnd bc they feel bad. if they dont like me i wish theyd just say instead of living in constant fear

culture, pedophilia and rape